Submitting to Your Husband: The Basics

Faith, Marriage
Submitting to our husbands in marriage can be tough! It's not something that is widely talked about, and it takes some practice to get it right. If you've ever wondered how in the world you'll be able to give into submission in marriage as God intended, this post is for you! Click through to read some of the basics I have been learning on how to submit to my husband!

I’ll admit it…when I first thought about submitting to my husband, I immediately dismissed the idea.


That’s for those crazy, pioneer women!”

“It’s the 21st century!”

“My husband and I are equal. Why on Earth should I submit to him??”


I bet you can relate to at least one of those statements in some way. Becvause of our sin nature as humans, it doesn’t usually come naturally to us to submit to our mate, and the age we live in doesn’t help much either. Everywhere I turn, I see women pushing boundaries to be “equal” or prove that they are able to do anything a man can do and probably better. And while that is probably true in a lot of cases, the urge to push boundaries and become the quintessential “independent woman” seems to be a cry for purpose and stability. (in my opinion)

Okay, let me back up a bit. What are we talking about here? What does it mean to submit to our husbands anyway? Where am I even getting all of this? Check out the verses below. I’ve added 3 different bible translations to make it a bit easier to understand!


(1 Peter 3:1-2 ESV) Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

(NIV) Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

(The Message) The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.


These verses seem to ruffle a lot of feathers in our modern world, but let me tell you something…submitting to my husband in our marriage has only changed it for the better. I think that when we hear the word “submission” it brings up thoughts of being a slave to our husband or spending all day cooking and cleaning for a man that doesn’t appreciate us. Am I right? Well, that’s what I thought, at least. 😉 I was forgetting who I married, though! I didn’t marry a man that would see my submitting to him as something that he could take advantage of. I didn’t marry a man that views submission as a way to tower over me with power. I married a godly man who views my submission to him and respect for him as a beautiful thing, and he returns the favor with his unconditional love.


Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. -Colossians 3:18-19


This verse right here is how it all fits together to create a marriage that works. I wouldn’t feel comfortable submitting to my husband if he didn’t value that act and love me with his whole heart in return. My deepest need, as a woman, is to be loved unconditionally and cherished wholeheartedly. His deepest need, as a man, is to be respected and valued by me. By submitting to my husband and being a noble wife to him, I am fulfilling that need!


Related:  13 Things to Know Before Getting Married



Okay, let’s get to it. What the heck do I mean by submission?


To me, submission means…

  • respecting my husband’s desire to lead our family and allowing him to do so
  • sometimes asking permission for things that, normally, I would do without a second thought (we are in this together)
  • praying for him when he is struggling to lead
  • praying for myself when I am struggling to allow him to lead in his own way
  • acting in modesty in everyday life and striving to reflect him in a positive light to others
  • thinking of his needs before my own
  • making the choice to make intimacy a priority
  • seeking unity with him over individuality and ambition in the world
  • not criticizing him, speaking badly about him to others, or thinking negative things about him
  • encouraging him and uplifting him as much as possible


Wow! Even just typing that all out makes it feel like being a submissive wife is impossible! There is no way that I accomplish all those things every single day. I am definitely not the picture-perfect wife…no woman is. The key is that we remind ourselves of these things, and try our best to do them. In a nutshell, being a submissive wife means stepping aside a bit so that God can show our husbands how to lead our family in the way He intended. It’s about giving grace and respect to our husbands on a daily basis. It’s about being obedient to God by embracing the roles of marriage as He outlined them in the Bible!


“Okay, I get it. But how do I get started? This is all so foreign to me, and I’m not sure about this submission thing or how to implement it.” 


Give up some things

Hear me. You do not have to do everything. I know that as women, we often feel like if we don’t do things, they just won’t get done right. Now, that may be true 😉 but that doesn’t mean that we need to be in charge of every little thing! It’s time to hand over the reins to our husbands. When we stop micro-managing and nagging, we create an environment much more conducive to a happy family. When we allow our husbands to take charge of things instead of saying, “No, honey…I’ll just do it so it gets done the way I like it.”, we make them feel valued and strong. If you’re “wearing the pants” in your marriage (I’m talking to my old self, here), take them off, and hand them to your husband. Let him take the lead, and watch your marriage flourish.


Get intimate

Speaking of taking off pants…get intimate! Are you tired of hearing about this one yet? Well, if you are…get used to it. I have said it once, and I will say it again…


Opening my heart and allowing God to work on the intimacy in our marriage has been the best thing I have ever done.


Men NEED sex. Now, I know that’s blunt, but hear me out. Intimacy isn’t just something in our marriage that we can wave off and discredit as, “Oh, he’s just being a guy.” Sex is very much tied to the emotional part of a man’s brain. I’m not going to go way deep into it, but if you haven’t already, check out the experiment I did in my own marriage! (Read:  My Intimacy Experiment)


Now, how exactly does getting intimate = submission in marriage? When we submit to our husband’s desire and NEED to have an intimate, emotional connection with us in the marriage bed, we are showing him that we respect the ways in which he feels love. Each and every time that we have sex with our husbands, we are validating the marriage vows said on our wedding day. We are saying, “I care about you, and I want to prove it.” It’s not about getting it over with or just doing it because that’s all that men want. It’s about acknowledging his need for intimacy and deciding to be obedient to God by submitting to our husbands.


Ask more questions

I know that for me, it’s really easy for me to to just go ahead make A LOT of the decisions regarding our everyday life and spending habits without really thinking twice about Alex. I mean, I’m the one who does all the shopping for groceries, I do a lot of the cleaning, and I generally am better at remembering the events we have coming up or the things around the house that we are running out of. I used to use this excuse all the time when justifying why I made the budget without really consulting Alex or why it was okay for me to make plans for us without asking him how he felt about them.


It was only after gentle prodding from the Lord and a few comments by Alex, that I really got convicted about submission and what it would mean for my marriage. I now realize that, even though I probably do know better what we need for our home or what events are coming up, it still means a lot in my marriage when I ask my husband for his opinion. I know that when I discuss the budget with him he probably won’t have a single thing he wants to change, but that’s not the point. Each time that I make it a priority to include him and show that I value his opinion and guidance, I am reaffirming that he is the leader of this family. I am reaffirming his position as the head of this household, and I know it’s what God demands of me!



Related:  To the Girl Not Sold on Submission in Marriage


Encourage him to lead in prayer

Oh, how I love when my husband leads us in prayer! First, because I’m a little shy about praying out loud in front of him and second, it’s so nice to hear the things he asks the Lord for and to hear how his faith is growing each and every day. And Alex has expressed that he enjoys doing it and feeling like he’s really leading us in a good direction. The moral of the story? Encourage him to lead the two of you in prayer! The more that you ask him to pray for the two of you in the middle of tough situations, the more second nature it will become for him (and the two of you) to turn to God in times of trouble! This kind of leading on his part may be the most important of all.


Where does submission come in here? Well, I’m a talker. I used to always talk my husband to death after an argument or a tough marital decision-making session. I would poke and prod until finally he gave in and told me all the things I wanted to hear to soothe my worried heart. It could last for hours…no joke. I finally submitted to the Lord and my husband instead of my own desires, and it’s made a huge difference! Instead of leaning on words of affirmation aimed solely at me, I’m now encouraging my husband to speak to God on behalf of our marriage to receive affirmation and grace from God! I’m submitting to the Holy Spirit by allowing Him first dibs on helping us through our situation. And I’m submitting to my husband by respecting his need for space instead of hours of conversation and softly encouraging him to lead us in prayer. Give this one a try in your marriage, and see what happens!

Related:  5 Ways to Guard Your Marriage


Don’t leave him in the dark

One of the easiest things you can do to get started is to talk to your husband about the changes you’re trying to make in your marriage! Don’t leave him in the dark! If you’re not sure how to get started in submitting to your husband, try talking to him about it and see what his suggestions might be. Chances are, not all of the things on this list will work for you. I’m hoping that at least one things does, but I hope this at least sparks interest for a conversation between the two of you! Telling your husband about the new things you’re going to try also gives him a chance to back you up + give you some grace if you start to slip a bit. The main thing is to find what works for the two of you!

Lastly, I just want to make one last point that hopefully gives you the extra boost needed to get started on this journey with your husband. Sometimes, our husbands can be big ol’ brats. 😉 I totally understand what it’s like to be frustrated by this whole submission thing because you feel like your husband is the one that needs to change. At first, I resisted this whole thing because I felt like my husband needed the extreme marriage makeover…not me. Both of us needed to start making changes. If you’re having trouble mentally giving your husband grace so that you can start making changes on your end, I encourage you to think of how many times God has offered you grace when you didn’t deserve it. It’s on a daily basis for me! God loves us and is so patient with us even when we mess up time and time again. If you’re getting irritated by the things your husband is doing, don’t let that deter you from embarking on the journey to be the wife God designed you to be! We aren’t called to respect our husbands because we feel they deserve it. We are called to respect them because we made a marriage vow. It’s all about asking God to help us offer grace and respect to our husbands just as God gives us grace time and time again!


Let’s chat! How do you feel about the topic of submission in marriage? Is it something that you struggle with as well?


If this post encouraged you, check out my new Ebook! It’s FULL of tips on how to balance mom life with your marriage, and I think you’ll enjoy it!

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  • Natalie
    November 9, 2019 at 2:47 pm

    I think you have great points but missed the mark. Paul was giving equality. The roman culture was telling women something they already knew. Men had never even been told to love their wives. THAT was the mind blowing message. Not women submitting. A healthy marriage takes two people submitting.

  • Joe
    November 4, 2019 at 12:57 am

    Through my girlfriend I found this article. She said she wants to be submissive, but I don’t know how to be a good head or leader, as I fear crossing the line to being a dictator. I’d gladly lead, but without imposing my will, as I don’t see it fit imposing my will on a fellow human being with equal dignity. What do you expect from a man or husband as a counterpart to submission?

  • Rebecca Rodriguez
    July 25, 2019 at 1:43 pm

    Hi there, thank u so much for taking the time to share your personal experience and advice

    Especially about the respect and honor regardless of whether we think they deserve it. My husband can be extremely rude & critical and shut down on me when I thrive off of words of affirmation and am a talker like u were. Thank u again!

  • Christina
    July 8, 2019 at 1:24 am

    I struggle with this daily. My husband has had two back surgeries and a knee surgery this past year and has been out of work for over a year because of it. The lack of work and being in pain has caused depression and I in turn have taken the reins of our family to try and keep things in “control” for our two little kids. I want to be submissive so badly but I don’t know how to let go when I have had to be in control for so long cause he was struggling to lead. Any advice or tips on how I can help shift how our marriage is currently going? It’s definitely not working for us, I just don’t know where to start.

  • Gina Kho
    June 9, 2019 at 8:53 pm

    I am having an issue in my marriage. My husband wants me to go sky diving with him eventhough I sm afraid of heights. Am I supposed to submit in this instance?

    • Kevin
      July 20, 2019 at 11:22 am

      As long as every safety concern has been addressed I would say yes, trust your husband :).

    • Kayla
      July 20, 2019 at 1:17 pm

      I wouldn’t say you are “supposed” to, but if you trusted him and went for it, I bet he would feel really loved. Sky diving is a desire, and imagine your marrage if you submitted to *every* desire! Not healthy. I dont believe we (wives) are required by the Lord to submit to our husbands every desire, thats not what biblical submission is. BUT, in the times when you do choose to submit to your husbands desires, he will feel very loved.

    • Kayla
      July 20, 2019 at 1:24 pm

      I wouldn’t say you are “supposed” to, but if you trusted him and went for it, I bet he would feel really loved. Sky diving is a desire, and imagine your marrage if you submitted to *every* desire! Not healthy. Wives must have boundaries. I dont believe we (wives) are required by the Lord to submit to our husbands every desire, thats not what biblical submission is. BUT, in the times when you do choose to submit to your husbands desires, he will feel very loved.

  • Blessed wife
    May 7, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    Thank you for posting this!!! I try every day to obey my husband’s wishes and I feel God’s warmth in my heart when I do!!! It’s not always easy being an obedient and submissive wife but I try my hardest & our marriage is the better for it! Ladies – LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND AND DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD!! The Lord will enrich your marriage! OBEY YOUR HUSBAND! OBEY THE WORD OF GOD! I’m happiest when I submit! It’s the Lord’s way…

    • Carisa
      May 27, 2019 at 9:22 am

      Thanks so much for being a part of our community here, sister!

  • Maria
    March 15, 2019 at 9:00 pm

    I know this is ages later and hopefully all of you beautiful ladies are squared away now, but some of these comments really hurt my heart. This is a great blog post written for people in normal marriages, with normal husbands. This was not advice for boyfriends, the engaged, alcoholics, the abusive, or power-hungry, controlling men. I want to speak to these women now.

    1) The Bible NEVER says that husbands should make their wives submit to them. Ever. Your submission comes from you, not him. If they are “enforcing their power,” they are sinning, because men were commanded to love, only love. To love as Christ loved the Church, and died for her. Did Christ ever force anyone to obey Him? The King of kings and Lord of lords Himself let Himself be crucified rather than force us to obey Him. You are allowed to acknowledge that your husband may be sinning, at least in your own head first.

    If you don’t acknowledge it as sin, how can you forgive it?

    2) I want to suggest you read the whole passage in 1 Peter 3 (the beginning of which Carisa beautifully quotes!), especially this section, which I pasted below for your convenience.

    “Let [your beauty] be the hidden person of the heart… the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”

    As Peter reminds us of Sarah’s submission to Abraham, so we look to her example.
    — Sarah called Abraham “Lord”
    — Sarah obeyed him when he asked her to pose as his sister instead of his wife… twice… even though it was hard and put her in danger. (Take a look and see how God takes care of her!)


    — Sarah also told Abraham to kick Hagar and Ishmael out, and when Abraham didn’t listen to her, God Himself instructed Abraham that “Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice.”

    That bears repeating. *God Himself* told Abraham “WHATEVER your wife has said to you, LISTEN to her voice.” (emphasis added)

    St Peter was saying to those women at the time, and to you as woman today, don’t be afraid. Be strong, but don’t use your strength in yelling or nagging. (Men don’t listen to that stuff anyways!) You are daughters of Sarah, see how she did it. You are also daughters of the Most High God,and you are precious in His sight.

    You are so precious in His sight.

    3) Be careful that you don’t make up what these passages mean. See how they were lived! Passages on marriage by Sts. Peter and Paul revolutionized marriage in favor of women. They raised women up as equals in all things to their husbands, with a unique role of submission. No longer were women a tool to be used for gaining a legitimate son. No. They were “co-heirs of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). Not the submission of a doormat, he is talking about the submission of a saint. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”

    Remember: a wife’s godly submission is strength and beauty, not weakness! Look at Abigail and Nabal (Abigail literally did the opposite of what her husband did to because she knew she had to do was right). Look at Esther and King Ahasuerus (Esther sat down with her husband for dinner three nights in a row to tell him what he decreed was wrong). Read the Bible. Every day. And then live it.

    4) Speaking of living the Word: Follow ALL the commands of God, not just submission. You should not live with your partner before marriage. If you are living with a man who is not your husband (married legally and in the church), do whatever you have to do to move out. You cannot receive God’s will in your life if you are not even following His moral will.

    Once you are married, remember that in matters of intimacy, your husband also submits to you (see 1 Corinthians 7:4). It is very clear in scripture that a married couple should never have sex or abstain having from sex unless the decision is unanimous. Always get to unanimous. (Side note: if you’re not having an orgasm when you have sex, help your husband get you there. He wants to get you there. All men want to. You don’t need to fake one to “get it over with.” This is a whole other issue, but if you guys are married! You have a lifetime together! Spend a chunk of it figuring this out. Sex should not be a chore or a duty. It’s a gift from God to humanity, designed to be shared only in marriage.)

    5) If you are still struggling with submission and marriage, I highly recommend the sermon series by Fr. Antony Messeh, “Crows of Glory” [] and the book “On Marriage and Family Life” by St. John Chrysostom. The first three chapters are all you need.

    Show the world what love looks like. God Himself will strengthen you.

    • Carisa
      March 16, 2019 at 8:31 am

      Wow, I am blown away by your heart in taking the time to write this! What a beautiful gift! Thank you so much for your explanation and love for the women who have commented on this post to teach us more. I appreciate you, sister!

  • Anonymous
    December 31, 2018 at 9:55 pm

    The first first verse you wrote I get it, I believe it, I feel it to be true. But your last verse it a reality. It’s hard to do that when your taken advantage of.

  • Teresa
    August 13, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    Submission and unconditional respect has been a huge struggle for me. My husband and I are both God fearing people but we have had a toxic relationship pretty much since the beginning due to personal sins on both our ends. I have a difficult time not allowing my husbands state of being affect my reaction towards him. We love each other there’s no doubt about it but past scars are still being dealt with and at times get the best of us. It’s refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who struggles in this area. It gives me confidence that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share. I do believe Gods way is the best way and am excited to see the blessings poured out on my marriage by obeying His word to submit and respect my husband NOT because he deserves it but because God instructs me to. God bless you and your marriage.

  • Emily
    August 7, 2018 at 10:32 am

    Submission is a hot issue between my husband and me. I find my husband to be very controlling and intimidating. When I ask to go to an event or to a beach play date with other moms, my husband exerts his power over me and tells me no. When he tells me no, I feel like he is doing so to exert his power over me. He is not showing me love. It is very hard for me to submit to my husband.

  • Stephanie
    August 2, 2018 at 4:50 pm

    My “boyfriend” wants me to be submissive. I already do everything from work to clean the house. I’ve paid all the bills for last 2yrs since he didn’t have a job. So he says I need to submit and let him control cause he Is the man that need to let him see my paychecks. Does being submissive mean give him my check? Or should I show him and let him in on what I’m paying? Idk!! I just don’t get it.

    • Anonymous
      October 25, 2018 at 6:40 am

      Ur not married. Bible say wives submit to your husband not boyfriends.

  • Natalie Diaz
    July 19, 2018 at 1:25 pm

    I am pregnant and my husband wants me to stop doing ultrasounds eventhough I am expecting triplets. He got it into his head that ultrasounds are useless, unecessary and detrimental. What do I do?

    • beadthing16
      July 20, 2018 at 2:05 pm

      Unless he is a trained, medical professional, I would say “thank you for telling me your thoughts on this, but i’m going to trust my doctor/midwife on this.” And hold your boundaries on doing what is best for your health, and the health of your babies.

  • Layla Fernandez
    June 29, 2018 at 10:22 pm

    Say a child has an illness that requires antibiotics, but the kid’s dad does not want to get the medicine due to a new hardcore belief in faith healing. Does the kid’s mom have to submit, in this instance?

    • Charlene Lachenicht
      December 30, 2019 at 12:03 pm

      It is not expected to practice your faith on your children, I think it is very risky to withhold medical treatment to a child if it’s really recommended by a medical professional

  • Karen w Christy
    June 9, 2018 at 1:53 pm

    First thank you for this article I am struggling with this and don’t want to see my relationship fall apart. I am presently engaged and living together we agreed to have a submissive marriage but I had no idea what that truly meant. And being a older woman who has taken care of myself am struggling. What do u advise

    • Carisa Alford
      June 23, 2018 at 5:22 pm

      Submitting in marriage can be hard work, but it’s designed for marriage! It’s good to start thinking of those principles now, but I wouldn’t stress too much if you’re finding it difficult because you’re not yet married 🙂 It may be good to spend this time praying that God will help you and your future husband to be the partners that he designed you to be! He will strengthen you!

  • Firena Setram
    May 19, 2018 at 10:08 am

    Great post, great advise!
    7 months into marriage. We are in church ministry.
    My husband doesn’t express his thoughts and feelings easily.
    I’m a talker but I easily give in when he gets harsh in a discussion.
    He does not pray with me. He says he wants to see “changes” first.
    The thought came to me that he might be intimidated by me ?
    Going to follow your advise right now! Thank you so much. ?

    • Carisa Alford
      May 22, 2018 at 4:08 pm

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read! It’s so awesome that you’re proactive and working on it so early into marriage. Go you!

  • Jennifer Crowe
    April 24, 2018 at 7:26 pm

    I need help. Really. Does any of this apply to an alcoholic husband? I’m at end of my rope. I wanted a great marriage and he can’t stay sober. How one can say stay to a woman who cant live with her husband because of this disease?

    • Anonymous
      April 25, 2018 at 7:34 am

      You are equal to your husband. You can help him, encourage him. If he cant get better, you have to,do what is best for you. Are you happy? Do you have kids? Is this a safe environment for you and them?

      • Carisa Alford
        May 9, 2018 at 1:46 pm

        I am happy, I do have kids, and we have a very safe home! It’s all about balance as I tried to portray in my post 🙂

  • Anonymous
    April 24, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    I understand your message, but its about giving each other respect. Women today wanting to be equal(in a marriage, since thst is the topic) isn’t about being as physically strong as men or who can change a tire better. When you marry your wife or husband; you are marrying your partner. Yes, its about praying for each other, ecouraging, each other, and speaking positively about one another. It’s obvious. Give each other love and respect. You may not always agree, but you can respect each other’s differences. And compromising is another part of marriage. How can you have even an okay marriage if it’s one sided? We are all human beings and should be treated equally. I’ve come acrossed families that have the woman as the breadwinner and the man stays home with the children. Each couple is different and will determine what works for them, but it comes down to giving each other respect. I believe in God, my husband and I both do, but we don’t pray together. Why? I don’t know, but we have a great marriage. Good friends of ours are atheist. Guess what, they are good people, and have a great marriage because they respect, support, and love one another. Times change, they evolve. Its really not complicated. Submit to each other.

  • Tercia
    April 16, 2018 at 6:02 am

    My question or thought is that whilst I want to submit to my husband, what he really wants is me to be an individual and not submit. He is not a christian and believes that this is just a way for men to get women to do what they want. How can I convince him that this is good for us and our marriage. When I try to be submissive, he just wants me to decide or work it out. What are your thoughts?

  • Alyssa
    November 10, 2017 at 12:55 am

    Hi Carisa <3 My significant other & I got into an argument just before bed. My phone broke right then & there so I asked if I could use his phone as background noise, which I usually use mine for. He said no, for peace of mind he would prefer that his phone is charged throughout the night in or order for the alarm to go off. This made me worry, how he wouldn't let me use it for the evening although it would be hooked to a charger. Should I just submit & let him lead? God bless.

  • Anon
    September 28, 2017 at 5:39 am

    Thank you for sharing your heart! What a sweet story. I’m not married, but I totally agree with you on how society has talked us women into thinking that we have to act like men or take on their role in order to have meaning… and we don’t! If we can rest in being who we are – women – we can act how God’s design for our lives. Be blessed!

  • Amy
    September 20, 2017 at 5:34 pm

    I am really struggling on this one… And I’m finding it hard to understand how I could be submissive to my husband.. I am asking him how but he just says, submit yourself… Please pray for me… For us… Thanks…

    • Carisa Alford
      October 31, 2017 at 6:39 am

      Sorry I was unable to comment to this until now, but I am praying for you! Stopping right now to ask God to reveal his will to you in this area and to give you the strength to do as he wishes for your life! You are loved, and you can do this!

  • abby
    July 9, 2017 at 9:01 am

    Wow. Just wow. I love this so much. It is wrote so well, so true, so practical. Thank you for writing and sharing this. I relate to this. Me and my hubby are newlyweds & I long & desire to learn more about what submission REALLY means AND looks like. This helps me a lot!! <3

    • Carisa Alford
      July 17, 2017 at 6:46 am

      Congrats on your marriage! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!

  • Anonymous
    March 13, 2017 at 7:38 am

    This is beautifully written! What a wonderful and gentle reminder for us wives of the precious role that God has intended for us! Love this! Thank you 🙂

    • Carisa Alford
      March 24, 2017 at 9:08 am

      Yay! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment!

  • Sam
    January 26, 2017 at 4:48 pm

    I am soooo struggling with this right now. My husband doesn’t want any more children, and I really want another one. Nothing I’ve said has changed his mind, and I’m hurt because I feel that space in my heart for another baby. But I’m going to pay that God will give me a submissive heart, and work on hubby in His time. It’s so hard! Please pray for me.

    • Carisa Alford
      February 21, 2017 at 1:15 pm

      I will absolutely be praying for you! I know that it can be tough, but we must trust God to work in our marriages in the way that is best for us. Prayer is the best course of action always!

      • beadthing16
        February 23, 2017 at 8:33 pm

        It is sooo AMAZING what changes have been made since submitting to my husband in this. After making this (very public) commitment to giving my desire for another baby to God, I have been at peace. My husband has asked me several times “do you want more kids?” and I’ve replied each time that it is between him and God. They can hash it out. I am content, and happy with my family. I have even started letting go of clutter that was in the hope of another child, content in the knowledge that if another comes we will be provided for. It took a lot of guts to submit, and it’s soooo tough on the pride! But it has given me so much peace and helped me in my marriage too. I would encourage anyone else thinking about this to give it to God because you can only reap peace.

        • Carisa Alford
          March 24, 2017 at 9:06 am

          What a success story! God is so good! Thank you so much for sharing what God is doing in your life!

  • April
    December 6, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    thank you so much for this it has opened my eyes and my heart for god to move on my marriage.

    • Carisa Alford
      December 31, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. God bless you!

  • Rachel Stewart
    November 27, 2016 at 9:42 am

    I have an amazing husband that makes it easy to submit to on most occasions. However, i have a friend that is struggling with thoights of separation and divorce. Her husband has become addicted to pain killers, and stays in denial about it: caught in many lies, doesnt want to work on thier marriage, and claims that every problem is nonexistent and she should just ‘get over it’. I know what the word says, but I lack the wisdom to guide her through her situation.

    How can I give her practical ways and steps toward possibly submitting her marriage to the Lord?

    • Carisa Alford
      December 31, 2016 at 1:12 pm

      First, prayer! I think that’s the best advice I can give on the situation. God guides us through everything, so give your concerns to Him and ask for guidance. Keep searching for articles, devotionals, videos, podcasts, etc. that might be helpful, and pass them along if she is willing. She is so lucky to have a friend like you!

  • Anonymous
    November 6, 2016 at 12:43 am

    This is nuts.

    • Carisa Alford
      November 13, 2016 at 8:54 am

      I would love to know why you think this 🙂

  • Rosanne Jimenez
    October 23, 2016 at 1:53 am

    “I wouldn’t feel comfortable submitting to my husband if…” I appreciate your post and also your attitude about this whole subject. This particular part of your post though, doesn’t work for everyone-doesn’t for me. Maybe I missed/overlooked something so I give you the benefit of the doubt if that is the case 😉 I just want to say that quite often I am not at all “comfortable” submitting to my saved husband. Although he is saved he doesn’t spend time with the Lord in quite prayer and I don’t great response or much cooperation when I ask him to pray with me (plainly, nice as can be, just requesting). He doesn’t say anything nice except in bed. He has said Thanks for dinner, etc. about 10 times…ever. Never compliments me. I am not trying to complain…here’s the point. NONE of this makes it okay for me to not submit’ I am accountable for how I treat others, not how they treat me. 1 Cor 13 makes it super duper clear that my love for God will make it completely possible, through God’s grace, to love and serve my husband respectfully even when in a disappointing and discouraging situation. My comfort is not God’s concern but rather being conformed to the image of His son. I know some will probably think my husband isn’t really saved or I was a fool for marrying him. We weren’t saved when we met but had 2 kids together. I came to the Lord separated from him since we weren’t married. Prayed and waited and after 3 years he was truly saved, I waited anther year. We married. He grew to a toddler age (spiritually) and then stopped. I know it is my duty to pray more and that with God all things are possible. Jesus is my best friend and I rejoice to think that someday I will have eternity with Him…all I want is to be with Him and know Him more. His grace makes each day and everything we face possible; doable; victory is already won! 🙂 God speed.

  • Elise
    October 5, 2016 at 11:47 am

    The thought that popped into my head as I read you talking about men’s emotional needs in having sex is how many times we do it just because we’re supposed to and because we all know men need sex, and so on. And we may (sometimes even resentfully) submit “physically” to him, but are not even an ounce submitted to him in that crucial, way more important area of “emotionally” being submitted to him.

    • Carisa Alford
      October 6, 2016 at 1:50 am

      I totally know what you mean! I just read a blog post today that might help if you’re feeling this way!

      • Em
        November 21, 2016 at 10:18 pm

        I can relate to this the only thing is I get angry with him over checking out other women. Never cheating though and I have an issue with resentment towards him because he spends so much time doing for his parents when they 3 other kids who could help. So am I to just sit back shut my mouth and allow him to act this way

        • Carisa Alford
          December 31, 2016 at 1:06 pm

          I know how you feel when it comes to submitting when we know our husbands aren’t perfect. It can be tough. It’s not up to us to change them, though! I think communication about the thoughts you’re having and turning to God in prayer will help immensely!

  • Anonymous
    September 26, 2016 at 10:12 pm

    I’m so glad I came across this article! Although I’m not married, I often feel like it. I’ve been in a relationship for over a year now and we share a child together, we have our differences but our number one goal is always trying to keep God as our foundation. If it wasn’t for the man in my life who’s introduced me to a whole other level of spirituality, I don’t know where I’d be. After reading this, I find my self doing almost exactly the same exact tendencies and we’re not even married but now I see that if I can fix this now before our big day then that will be awesome this is so encouraging! Thank you! ❤️

    • Carisa Alford
      October 5, 2016 at 12:13 am

      That’s a great goal to have, and if you keep Him as your center, everything else will flow a bit easier in your upcoming marriage! xoxo!

  • Anonymous
    September 15, 2016 at 10:36 am

    This was so well thought, well spoken and well written. And to those who automatically turn their nose up at it when reading the title are definitely missing out. This has nothing to do with feminism; its about love and validating your love to your partner. Those who reject to see this in that way are just sheep following the leader that is social media. ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!

    • Carisa Alford
      September 18, 2016 at 12:42 pm

      You are TOO kind, and I appreciate your comment so much! Let’s keep spreading God’s design for marriage!

  • Casey Capra
    September 14, 2016 at 9:43 am

    Oh my goodness, thank you for writing this. As a newlywed, I am always looking for godly role models of wives who understand biblical submission. This is so beautiful, and convicting, and makes me so excited to learn greater submission!
    Thanks again:)

    • Carisa Alford
      September 18, 2016 at 12:41 pm

      Thanks for reading and commenting girl! It can be overwhelming as a new wife, but we can surround ourselves with other wives who love God!

  • Anonymous
    September 5, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    What a joke

    • Carisa Alford
      September 8, 2016 at 10:33 pm

      Thanks for reading!

  • Mila
    August 30, 2016 at 11:21 pm

    Hi Carisa!
    I have a little dilemma that I would love for your advice on. My mother is such a godly woman. She somehow manages to be so humble and submissive to my father, who does not respect her as much as I think he can. This in turn is scaring me from getting married because my father was raised in a household where the women were not respected. My brothers take after my father and treat me the same. We were all raised as Christians but sometimes I don’t see this in my father and brothers. Is there anything I can do to make this change and stop scaring me from my future?

    • Carisa Alford
      September 2, 2016 at 3:46 pm

      Hey girl! Thanks for taking the time to comment! First, I want to say that I am no expert in this area, so this is just my opinion. Take your concern to God! At times, those in our lives don’t act the way they should, and it sounds like your mom is doing the best she can to love her husband regardless of the faults he may have. That’s all we can do! Just pray that God sends you a man that respects and loves you, and move forward in love for those that maybe aren’t on the same page yet. Hope this helps!

  • Anonymous
    August 24, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    I loved it. It is very helpful. Keeping god in the picture is beautiful.

    • Carisa Alford
      August 27, 2016 at 5:07 pm

      Thanks so much! I agree!

  • Anonymous
    August 24, 2016 at 6:23 am

    Excellent post! Much needed! Thank you!

    • Carisa Alford
      August 27, 2016 at 5:06 pm

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!

  • Anonymous
    August 23, 2016 at 10:08 pm

    Ugh. So what if our husband isn’t a picture perfect Godly man? What if he does take advantage of your submission and you end up spending all your days cooking and cleaning and giving up your goals for his? What if he has ADHD and his executive function occasionally checks out and he can’t manage finances or stay attentive to the children to keep them safe? My hubby was a Godly church leader and I prayed hard for him and don’t doubt God brought us together, but this advice just doesn’t work for every marriage. It actually nearly ruined us for me to defer to him as often as I was being taught at church, and it wasn’t until we sought Christian counseling and realized what was going on with him, only then did I have “permission” to step in where my husband couldn’t perform. It is pat advice about marriage that just makes church feel so irrelevant to us now. We love God too, even if we do.things a little different.

    • Carisa Alford
      August 27, 2016 at 5:06 pm

      I definitely don’t doubt at all that you can love God just as much and do things differently. I think there are exceptions in every circumstance, I just try to show what works for us and how it lines up with the bible!

  • Dawn
    August 23, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    This was a wonderful post. I loved seeing this from a “younger wife” standpoint. (I’m a little older than you are. LOL) It gives me hope for the generations to come that there will be more Godly marriages. I blog about marriage as well and love reading others’ perspective. keep up the great work.

    • Carisa Alford
      August 27, 2016 at 4:57 pm

      I’ll have to check out your blog as well! Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment!

  • Pam Millis
    August 22, 2016 at 11:02 am

    The ultimate example of true submission is our Lord Jesus in going to the cross! This was NOT an easy thing for Him. in Gethsemane (Matt. 26:36-46) three times He prayed both asking for the “cup” to be removed and yet yielding / submitting to the will of His Father. The Son – Who is equally God with the Father – submitted to the The Father’s will for the fulfillment of Salvation’s plan!! (“For the joy set before Him…He endured the cross!” Heb 12:2) As wives, one together with our husbands, we can find ultimate joy in our marriages by doing it God’s way! Great post!

    • Carisa Alford
      August 27, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      Thanks for reading, and I agree with you completely!

  • Vicki
    August 21, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    Hello. I loved what you said. Sadly, I wasn’t aware of what he Bible taught wives 25 years ago. My husband and I are separated and he is with somebody else. Since the introduction of someone else, obviously, I was devastated. In searching for comfort, peace and guidance I started attending church. I read and study the Word to the best of my ability. Anyway, my point is, if you are married, treat your husband as the Lord intended. Don’t be unforgiving, don’t hold grudges and communicate! Bless you all ??

    • Carisa Alford
      August 27, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      This is great advice, and I’m so happy to hear that you are back in church! Keep praying and keep improving, and I know that the Lord will bless you in your new journey!

  • Alisha
    August 20, 2016 at 8:49 pm

    I loved this advice so much… This will make for great marriages if we fulfill our roles as wives!

    • Carisa Alford
      August 27, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      Yay! I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I’m so happy that you took the time to read it!

  • HeavenOnEarth
    August 6, 2016 at 7:46 pm

    Such a great post Carisa! I love learning more about submission for the day I get married – it seems tough to do but praise God through Him He will help us live out His perfect plan for marriage! The way He knows it works best! 🙂

    • Carisa Alford
      August 8, 2016 at 7:12 am

      You know, it is tough…but what is tougher, is having a failing marriage! This has been such a blessing for us, and I know that it will do the same for you in your future marriage!