The Right (and wrong) Way to Text Your Spouse

Our phones can seem to get in the way of our marriage a lot, but if we learn to use them in the right way, we can actually enhance our marriage through texting! Ever found yourself in a fight with your spouse over text? Ever wondered if flirting over text is okay? Check out my tips for how to effectively text your spouse to build your connection!

It seems that wherever I look, I see people with their heads buried in their phones…and I’m guilty too! Phones are fun! 😉 However, phones have gotten Alex and me in a bit of a pickle at times in our marriage, and it’s specifically texting that does it. I’ve found myself texting my husband at times when I shouldn’t about things that I shouldn’t. I’ve pretty much figured out how to avoid text fights or miscommunication with Alex at this point, so why not share the love with you? Let’s chat a bit about some things that texting is great for and some that it’s not.


Wanna get the bad ones out of the way first? Yeah, me too. Ha!


Don’t Continue a Fight….or start one

Sometimes, when my husband and I aren’t getting along very well, I find myself wanting to continue talking about the issue over text. Maybe one of us had to go to work or to the gym, and I’ve still got so much on my mind. It’s never ended well. Texting isn’t as fluid as talking face-to-face, and I’ve found that while I’m waiting on my husband to reply, I’m probably forming an idea of what he is going to say and how he is going to say it in my head before I get his text. Those thoughts change the entire way that I process the text he ends up sending, and it usually causes a bigger fight than the one we are in. Save the heavy conversations for when you’re face to face if you can.

Related:  5 Ways to LIVE Instead of Living on Your Phone


avoid long to-do lists

I love a good list or plan, but my husband doesn’t share the same enthusiasm for them as I do. 😉 It can be really tempting (if you’re anything like me) to send a long list of thoughts or to-dos as soon as you think of them. I don’t do that because I want to burden him…I’m just afraid that I’ll forget those things if I don’t tell him right away! As good intentioned as it may be, it’s still not the best for our husbands because they end up feeling overwhelmed by our string of texts. Instead, I write down all the things I want to chat with my husband about, and I save those things for a time when he and I are both ready to discuss them.


skip the deep, serious conversations

Along the same lines as fighting over text, serious conversations in general aren’t the best. I’m a total dreamer, and my husband is more logical. #oppositesattact Sometimes, I’ll get the urge to ask him a deep question or talk about our future lives together over text. I almost ALWAYS misinterpret his answers or end up thinking they aren’t as thoughtful as I would hope they would be for these fun dream sessions. You might not have any problem with this one in your relationship, but if you do, try skipping the serious convos over text.


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Now, what should you be texting each other, then?!


Do send funny texts

My husband often leaves videos of cute, baby animals playing on his computer for me to find when I walk in the office in the morning. And I love when he does stuff like that through text, too! Instead of the same routine texts, try mixing it up with a funny meme or video! You can even start a conversation about a funny thing that happened the night before on your date that only the two of you would get. Make it fun for your husband to get a text from you!


send him encouragement

My husband is always sending me sweet texts, but the ones I love the most are encouraging and uplifting. Our husbands need that, too! Try sending him a text saying how proud you are of what he has accomplished at work this week. Send him a verse from your devotional time that you think will lift his spirit. You can even do this in an audio version, as well, so he can hear your voice!


Do make texts a little sexy

I’m gonna get a little R-rated here….send your husband sexy texts! And maybe a picture or two. 😉 I’ve read a few blogs and books in which wives are told to be cautious when sending sexy pictures to our husbands over text or even to just avoid it altogether! I agree that you’ve got to be careful to select the correct contact in your phone when sending a sultry message or picture to your husband, but other than that….go for it, if you’re comfortable! Texting can be amazing foreplay, and can really increase the connection between the two of you when you get together later that day. If you’re dying to tell your husband how much you want him or if you’re feeling extra sexy and want to snap a photo for him, you go for it, girl!

Related:  Scheduling Sex Can Be Sexy (I’m serious!)

**Needing some ideas for flirting with your hubby over text? Head over to the BHC Library and grab your FREE printable!

Let’s chat! In what ways do you make texting work for you and your spouse? 

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  • Joshua K.
    April 22, 2017 at 10:04 pm

    Whoa! Helpful thoughts here, and thoughts that probably should be more widely realized and discussed. Great post! Thank you.

    • Carisa Alford
      June 16, 2017 at 7:31 am

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!