The title of this post sums up our entire marriage. 😉 Alex is a quiet guy, and I’m a HUGE talker. Lucky for him (just kidding), I’m not a huge talker all the time…just around him. I wouldn’t change a thing about him, but to be honest, this one difference can have quite an impact on our day to day life. In fact, we see some result of talker vs. silent almost every day, and it’s not always pretty. Are you and your husband the same way? Have you ever found yourself frustrated with him not being as expressive with his words as you would like? Does he sometimes get irritated at how much you want to talk? It can definitely be tough, but I’ve come up with a few ways to make things go a little smoother if you’re a chatterbox and he prefers not to speak so much.
Figure out what “type of talking” bugs him
This is probably going to be the thing that helps the most when you’re trying to figure this out. All men are different, and what bugs one silent type might not bug the other type. For instance, my husband doesn’t really have a problem talking face to face. It may be a whole lot of me talking and him nodding, but it doesn’t frustrate him unless it’s been going for hours and hours and hours and hours. However, he DESPISES talking on the phone. He feels like it’s a waste of time and like he has to drop everything that he is doing in order to pay attention to the call. It’s just not his thing. That’s not to say that we never talk on the phone when he travels, but it’s something that I need to be aware of before I pick up the phone and expect him to be Romeo. Determine what type of talking your husband isn’t fond of! It could be phone calls, texting, talking immediately after a long fight, etc. Just ask him!
write things down
I am a true talker. I want to talk to my husband 5 minutes after I leave the house, I could text him all day, and every little thing that happens throughout my day seems like an excuse to gab his ear off. If you’re like me, this tip is for you. I’ve figured out that one of the reasons why I want to talk so much is because I’m afraid I might forget something that I want to tell him. I’ve got a pretty type-A personality, and my brain is always on overdrive. The moment that something pops into my head, I feel the need to immediately tell Alex for fear that I’ll forget and the world will end. #itsridiculous Lately, I’ve started keeping a note on my phone or a piece of paper near by and jotting down all the ideas that come into my head. Instead of telling my husband all the things I’m thinking immediately, I wait until we can be together in person (remember, he doesn’t like phone calls much), and then I launch into my topics. I still try to keep it short and sweet so I don’t overwhelm him, though! Doing this ensures that I get what I need and Alex knows that I respect who he is. Win, win!
respect each other’s differences
This one is for BOTH of you. Marriage only works if the two of you respect each other’s differences and work to make those differences an enhancement instead of a disadvantage. It would be really easy to just skirt around the issue, get frustrated, make up, move on, and have it happen all over again…time and time again. Taking the time to understand where your spouse is coming from will save you many fights and time in the future. Try not to think of it as a preference for your spouse, but instead think of their desire to be silent OR chatty as a need. Once you both are able to see why this need is important for the other person, you’re able to move forward in a direction of respect instead of irritation.
Discover what works
Now, it’s all well and good to respect your spouse’s desire to be the silent type, but the two of you are going to have to talk at some point. It may be beneficial to figure out a way to bridge the communication gap between you and your spouse in an alternative way. If you husband isn’t the best wordsmith right on the spot, see if texting or writing a letter may be more up his alley! Maybe your man gets a little quiet during serious conversations face-to-face…instead of staring each other down, try to have those long talks on a walk. It may help your spouse open up if he doesn’t have to gaze into your eyes the whole time. 😉
There are so many different ways to bridge the gap between the talker and the silent type. Opposites attract, so we’ve got to work to make it work! Get creative! Whatever issue the two of you are facing in your communication, remember that God blessed you with your marriage for a reason. The best thing that the two of you can do is team up and face marriage head on while following God’s lead!
Let’s chat! Who is the talker and who is the silent type in your marriage?