The Argument We Have Every Week

Are there ritual arguments in your marriage? Arguments that seem to happen again and again, and you're not sure what to do to make them stop? I know how you feel, and in this post, I talk about what we have learned from ours! If you need a pick-me-up in your marriage, click to read!

This blog post has probably been a long time coming, but to be honest…I wasn’t sure how to share it. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be super specific or really vague or touch base somewhere in the middle. Just yesterday, I asked my husband for advice on how I should word it, and he told me that I should probably keep a couple of things between the two of us. AKA keep it helpful while respecting our marriage at the same time. I completely agree. I’m telling you this first, because I want you to know that this topic isn’t an easy one to talk about. This particular fight has left me feeling at odds with this blog time and time again. It’s left me feeling hopeless and unsure about so many things. BUT I think it’s safe to say that almost all marriages have that one argument that leaves a harsh mark on our hearts. I hope that by us sharing a part of ours and what we have learned, you will be encouraged to work even harder to be unified and strong together!


Alex and I have an argument at the same time every week.It happens on the way to church.


Let me back up and set the stage just a bit for you. I’m active duty military (currently working rotating shift-work), and Alex is a Project Manager for his company for the entire east coast of the U.S.A and Canada. Our schedules don’t always mesh up, and that leaves us unable to attend church together every Sunday. On a good month, we are able to make it 3 times. On a normal month, maybe once or (big maybe here) twice. Getting to go to church together is a pretty big deal, and we both get pretty excited about it.


That’s why it was devastating (once again) to find ourselves in another huge fight on yet another Sunday this past week. These aren’t just any ol’ fights, either. We have ourselves a blowout…yelling, harsh words, storming off, etc. Sometimes, we don’t even make it in to the church because of how out of hand the fight has gotten in the car. This past Sunday we made it in 20 minutes late but still feeling pretty good about the fact that it didn’t take over the entire sermon. Progress right? We ended up fighting again as soon as we got home.


This time, however, I think we finally reached a point where we realized that something has got to change. Looking back on this past Sunday, I truly don’t think it’s going to be happening again anytime soon. Somewhere in all of the chaos, we reached a point of understanding. Whether that point was born from love & understanding or simply exhaustion & the need for a change, I don’t know. But there are a couple of things that I’ve realized in this whole process of habitual arguments, and I think that’s what you came for. 😉



Related:  How We Learned to Complain Effectively


The devil doesn’t care if It’s a Sunday

In fact, He probably gets way more excited to see you fight with your spouse on a Sunday that any other day of the week. What I’m trying to say here is this…we have a very real enemy. Satan is real, evil things are real, and he wants to do whatever he can to destroy all the joy in your marriage.


John 10:10  –  “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.”


It’s time that we start facing the real enemy in our marriages, and it’s time that we start expecting him to come. The problem is NOT your spouse. The problem is Satan working in our lives to ruin all that is good, and the second problem is us allowing him to do so. It’s time for us to take our husband’s hand, open our bible together, and sweep the devil right out of our homes and lives.


Working through tough stuff is what we signed up for

When you’re just dating someone, it’s wayyyyy easier (in my opinion) to deal with arguments than it is when you’re married to someone. When you’re dating, it’s okay to walk away from the relationship if things get too difficult. The other person may not agree, but there isn’t a law against breaking up with your boyfriend if you’re not happy with the relationship anymore. In fact, it’s natural to pull away from things that don’t feel good or make us happy, so it’s not all that complicated.


Marriage isn’t like that at all.


In marriage, we must do the unnatural thing. When things get tough, we must stand firm together. When our spouse isn’t being the sweet man we remember him being at the altar, we are called to find a way to embrace and respect him anyway. When I find myself being bitter or resentful in the aftermath of an argument, I remind myself of this fact. We signed up for this ride, for better or for worse. It’s naive to think that the “for worse” will never come, and it is wrong to bail when it does!


“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” – Mark 10:9



Related:  When You Can’t Find the Better in “For Better or Worse”


We’re not in this alone

In the first point, I talked about how Satan is out to get us, and John 10:10 describes how. It can feel a little scary if you think on it too long. However, we can find encouragement in the EXACT SAME VERSE and the verses to follow!


John 10:10-11 – “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”


We are not alone. It says above that Jesus is our good shepherd. He came that we would have life and have it abundantly. A life free from allowing Satan to trample on our Sundays and a life free from allowing our marriages to be tarnished by ritual arguments. Join hands with the Lord. Pray over your marriage, and ask for His help in building an abundant, solid marriage. Ask Him to show you how to run to your husband instead of away during times of hardship. Don’t go at it alone when you don’t have to!


**If you need an extra marriage pick me up, you can grab a free copy of my Marriage Prayer Plan printable which contains a few of the verses in the bible that give me comfort in the trials of marriage! Click here to sign up for your free copy.** 


Let’s chat! Are there ritual arguments in your marriage? What are you doing to move forward in a positive direction?

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  • tiffany
    December 31, 2018 at 11:44 pm

    There is always something to learn from repetitive arguments and other things. And until that is learned and acknowledge they will keep repeating. God is trying to tell us something and until we get it its going to keep on!

  • Katarina
    January 22, 2017 at 7:58 pm

    This is all so true! My husband and I often argue on Sundays, as well, either right before church or right after. Satan must be working on overdrive during those times to hinder our attempts to enter into the presence of The Lord. Being someone that is quick to fight back, I have learned that the best way to calm a disagreement is to swallow my pride, pray for the ability to be sweet, and then respond with a soft answer. As soon as I make that effort to react in that manner, the upset between us usually settles pretty quickly. And bonus, I really believe that The Lord will bless us for being peace makers.. even if it isn’t easy.
    Love this post, and your blog! Very encouraging!

    • Carisa Alford
      February 21, 2017 at 1:13 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post, and I’m so grateful that you took the time to comment! Responding with grace isn’t always easy, but it is SO worth it!

  • Jessica
    October 10, 2016 at 7:14 am

    My husband and I have the same argument each week, and we really realized that it’s a matter of us speaking different love languages to one another. We have to be so mindful about how we are speaking love languages to each other because it is SOOO easy to revert to sharing your love with your spouse using your own love language, and not theirs! Great post! Loving your resources, and your blog. Also, I love how you communicate with your spouse before posting things. Thanks for using your gifts, and your marriage, to help others!

    • Carisa Alford
      October 12, 2016 at 4:16 am

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! Love languages are so important! Thanks for bringing that point up 🙂