Since becoming pregnant, Alex and I have had to adjust to a lot of differences in our intimate life. Of course, I’m large and in charge now (sooooo rounnnnddd), but also our desire for sex has lowered. I’ve always been the more low-desire spouse, so for me…not so drastic. However, Alex and I weren’t expecting his desire for physical intimacy to basically baseline with mine. Poor guy 😉
Okay, so why the heck am I sharing all this?
Because I stressed about it. And if you’re reading this blog, there is a good chance that you and I are a lot alike, lovely. Physical intimacy has been something that we have struggled with at times in our marriage. There are a lot of factors for why that is, but basically, it’s always something that I am looking to improve upon and strengthen. So you can imagine how hard it is mentally to come to terms with the fact that there just isn’t a lot of it going on at this time in our marriage. I want to stress about it. I want to fix it. I want to read all the books and watch all the videos about how to get in the mood despite being almost 40 weeks pregnant + kinda unable to move much. Haha! I want something that is a bit unrealistic for us, right now.
Here’s the punchline. Our intimate lives with our spouse will go through seasons. Just like marriages have seasons, so does our intimacy with our spouse. When statements are made about how important intimacy is without any regard to the season of life that you’re in, it can be disheartening and confusing. Since embarking on this new season in our intimate life, I found myself comparing our relationship to other relationships. Sometimes this was people that I know, but even just people that I saw on the street, too!
“Oh, look at them. So in love. So touchy.”
“They CLEARLY have it all together in their marriage.”
That’s not healthy at all. But it also does an injustice to my marriage. Because the thing is, Alex and I are more in love now than I think we ever have been. We laugh so much more now than before pregnancy. And I feel like we do kinda have it all together in our relationship for this season. Being intimate doesn’t just involve having great sex. (Although, I can’t wait to get back into a season of that! Ha!) Maybe you’re in a situation like ours, and you’re discovering a deep friendship that is growing so strong with your spouse. Or maybe things have changed in your household with a move or a new job, and you find your self in a season of survival and intimacy based on partnership to make it through the day. Or maybe you are in the season of hot and heavy romance!
Whatever season you find yourself in, let’s aim to not complicate things by placing pressure on the marriage with expectations of what things “should be” like. Am I a HUGE supporter of continuing to cultivate and strengthen physical intimacy within marriage? Ummm yes! Look around the blog, and you’ll see plenty of that.
However, I’m learning that it’s not all black and white when it comes to this union of imperfect people in marriage. It ebbs and flows like the tides of the ocean. Whatever season of intimacy you find yourself in, embrace it. Love your husband, and feel free to prepare your heart with joy for the next season to come. But don’t forget to sit back and take notice of all the things (wonderful and hard things) in your current season. There is so much to learn and enjoy. Marriage isn’t a race to become what we see in the movies. It’s that raw, everyday, hills and valleys kind of love.