Yesterday, I feel pretty deep into the discontentment trap. Alex and I have recently been doing some projects around the house, and we started with some landscaping. It’s been pretty fun to finally (we’ve lived here for about 2 years….we got lazy apparently. Ha!) start on some of the projects that we talked about doing when we first moved into our home. Well, the weather in Oklahoma has been ridiculously rainy lately, and that makes it a bit difficult to work on the exterior of the house.
My itch to “fix” didn’t subside with the increase in rain, however. Instead, I turned my sights on the interior of the home. I decided that I was unhappy with a whole heck of a lot of things. I wanted to paint every room in the house, the upstairs bathroom needed to be totally re-done, we should get new light fixtures, and don’t forget ripping up all the carpet to replace it.
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with our house. It’s quite a cute cottage in the middle of no where, and there is so much that I love about it. But in the midst of my “let’s fix what’s not broken” mood, I couldn’t see any of those things. I quickly abandoned my joy for the heavy weight of discontentment.
I guess what I’m here to share is this…nothing will fulfill our longing for more except a relationship with Jesus. Fresh paint on the walls of my house won’t make me love my postpartum body more. I need to go to Jesus with that. A new carpet won’t make it any easier to walk through motherhood without a local support system. Jesus is here, though. New light fixtures won’t brighten the dark moments we all face. Jesus can brighten the path, and walk it with me.
Today has been much better. Today, I’m looking at my home with a fresh perspective. It’s a shelter for my family. A place to make memories. A spot to gather at the end of a long day.
I may be faced with the same thoughts tomorrow. But yesterday has shown me that God is gracious, gentle, and sure to guide me away from foolish thinking if I’ll only soften my heart.
Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path. -Psalm 119:105