This topic seems to be a taboo one for many people, but I really wish that it wasn’t! Intimacy is such an important part of marriage! It’s been something that we have struggled with at times in our marriage, and we definitely go through good and not so good seasons of intimacy. (If you’re feeling the same way, I don’t necessarily think seasons of intimacy are a bad thing, and I wrote a post on that here.)
But today, let’s tackle the topic of actually “getting in the mood”. These tips are going to be practical things you can do, and I think you’ll find at least one you want to try!
Pick a time of day that ACTUALLY will work for you
I believe that getting in the mood can be an all day event. This idea is something that I first picked up from Sheila Gregoire and her blog, and it has stuck with me ever since. Sometimes you really do need to set yourself up for success during the day if you know you want to be intimate later.
Now, the time of day that you actually plan to have sex can be make or break. At least, it is for me! Here are some things to ask yourself when deciding what time of day is best for you…
What time of day am I most likely to feel refreshed/relaxed/ready to be present in the act of intimacy with my spouse?
What time of day am I most tired or mentally preoccupied?
It’s been very helpful for me as a type-A person to know when we are likely to be intimate. Call me crazy, but it just helps me! I think the key is actually being honest with yourself, though. If you are not a morning person, mayyyyybbbeee don’t plan for morning sex. Ha! Been there, done that, it didn’t work. 😉
Look at pictures and videos of your spouse that make you happy
This tip is especially helpful for me during a harder-than-usual day at work or when I’ve just gotten home and still need to do the dishes, get dinner on the table, and put Kit to sleep.
Take 5 minutes to take a look at wedding photos, videos from a happy moment, or silly selfies of you and your spouse. This may not work for everyone, but I feel such a rush of love when I do this! It doesn’t make me want to immediately jump my husband in the bedroom, but it does help me relax!
Find a way to relax prior to sex
Often, after a long day at work, I’m spent by the end of the day. I’m the type of person that’s early to bed and early to rise. It can be tough for me to stay up past my normal bedtime and be present in intimacy with my husband. On those days, I’ll try to make it a priority to do something relaxing earlier in the day to fill my tank up a bit. This can look a lot of different ways. Maybe it’s taking a break from work to go grab a coffee or sitting at your desk listening to some relaxing music or going for a walk around the parking lot to get some fresh air. If it’s a day off work, it might be a bath or time to watch your favorite show uninterrupted. Find what works for you! When I take time to nurture myself during the day, I find that I have more energy for my husband later on.
There isn’t much that needs to be said about this. Grab an extra coffee to pre-game!
Create a Playlist
I have found music to be immensely helpful in transforming my attitude about sex after a long day. Discover what genre of music and songs make you feel sexy and relaxed. Make a playlist! You can play this on your drive home to meet your spouse, in the shower getting ready, during sex…whenever you need a pick-me-up to get intimate!
Clean up the room
So hard for me! I’m not naturally the most tidy person, but a cluttered room is NOT sexy! If you’ve got unfolded laundry or a half finished decor project going on in your bedroom, get it squared away! The bedroom should be a place of relaxation. A place to steal away and be together. A kid-free place. A pet-free place. A space for the two of you!
If you’re not in love with the decor, change it! If you need to add some pillows to make it more luxurious feeling, do that! Prioritize your love life, and make the space inviting! Well, there you have it! Let us know in the comments below if you have something that’s working for you or which one of these you are going to try!